06 June Sunday

Well it starts with not wanting to get out of bed, feeling wave after wave of depression washing over me and eventually moving from one side of the bed to another to see at which point my legs and head all fitted on mattress. Yup another rocket scientist start to the day.

Then a quick clean of the kitchen, a mug of Colombian coffee in a travel mug and off to collect a good friend I haven't seen for about 4 years. Mike has not changed and it was like rewinding a clock and laughing and chatting as if we had only been apart for a day, that is what friendship is all about.

We braaied rib eye steaks and pork sausages with baked potatoes, fresh rolls and a salad and more than a few beers. We chatted about good times, hard times, funny times and the future, relationships, friends and people that irritated the daylights out of us. It was amazing!

It lifted me and made me take the focus off negative Sunday thoughts and instead focus on life, yes that thing we sometimes turn into a routine and squeeze all the joy out of and over complicate. The world will wear you down and eventually attempt to drag you down to its standard and when we get tired eventually we just give in and in doing lose what makes us unique in the first place. Don't give up! I did and it was a hard road to recovery and one I battled to stay on. How many times have you said "I am just so tired"? Take a breath and keep going especially the times when you feel like just lying in bed in the morning and can't find the motivation to inhale let alone get up and go to work.

Why do things like divorce happen, why does one person fall out of love with another and why does it all take so long to resolve itself? Why? Why? Why?

I don't have the answers and I don't understand it, but I have the common sense to realise that I have to move on and that all of this takes time. It makes no difference if I try and rush it or speed up the process, it doesn't help when I try and keep control of it all.

I cry more than I ever have before and have spoken more openly about love, sadness, heartache, religion and the future than ever before. I have had to deal with emotions I never even thought about before.

I am tired and crying and sad so goodnight all