Love?

Sometimes in life you see something special between two people, a look, a smile a touch, something that speaks to you and almost restores your hope in love, almost.

Does it become a duty, is it a relationship of convenience, are we simply afraid of the consequences or are we afraid of the stigma society might attach to us.

In the instant society we find ourselves trying to survive in, what happened to loyalty, honour, respect, what happened to happily ever after. What happened to promises and where did it all go wrong?

Does life strive to destroy that which we hold to be true and righteous? Or is it just all decided on the rolling of a dice. No no I hear you say it can't be, hell what do you think when conspiracy theories become the norm of your thought patterns.
Are you still with me because I feel like I have lost myself :)

So in despair, in our times of darkness when feel ourselves falling and scrambling and battling to breathe, what do we do? Some turn to God or spirituality, some to drugs, smoking or alcohol, some turn to sex and adrenaline, some just give up. What is the solution, I have tried many of the above and feel no clearer now than I did then. I have moments of extreme anger and times of desperate sorrow and loneliness, I have seen pity and pain and sadness in the eyes of good friends and have been embarrassed because I have brought this plague onto them.

I am numb inside. I have lost so much. I cry tears of blood and can't understand why this load cannot be taken from me. I am stressed and worried and unsure and rational thought is no longer an option that seems to offer any consulation.

I apologise because by sharing this I somehow feel I have let you into my private hell and I am embarrassed.

Forgive me.