A night of not sleeping and not the best way to start the day.
Work was ok except for a small incident that was blown out of proportion but the less said the better about that.
Had a good chat to C, thanks it was good, nice to have and thoroughly enjoyed.
I think my girls are really battling with my ex-wifes boyfriends 3 kids in their space for such a long period. However I need to remember that this is a situation they need to resolve as I have no control over it.
In my opinion it was not fair to leave Simon responsible for 4 kids, that is the sort of thing another couple used to do and then it was unacceptable, strange how the goalposts move.
I must sleep, my meds are kicking in.
Adious
Back to my flat tomorrow!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
28 June Monday
I popped in to have my blood pressure checked today, couple of days overdue but I figured at least I was getting it checked.
I expected it to be down quite a bit since my last reading of 170/110 about 10 days ago. Considering the change in medication and that I was basically feeling ok, I was shocked to see it was 160/108.
Then the constant ringing in my ears, headaches and slightly blurred vision all made sense. So I came home early and had a nap, tried some deep breathing and took a cardio aspirin. Don't know of much more I can do at the moment.
It is going to require a lifestyle change and it doesn't quite fit in with my budget haha. So what when how I don't know yet.
This has been my overwhelming concern and as such I need to resolve it.
Supper was pasta with cherry tomatoes, tuna and black pepper. Large glass of Oros and I sniffed a bottle of red, sigh I do miss my red wine.
I have come to accept the loneliness and it is a lot easier than it was a month or two ago. I read my first novel in a long time and it was nice to just disappear into a book again.
I get a radio for my car this weekend, a real blessing from a good friend, Mark you rock dude!
On a happier note, Monday is done and dusted and it is almost payday so a little moolah for a day.
Chow world
I expected it to be down quite a bit since my last reading of 170/110 about 10 days ago. Considering the change in medication and that I was basically feeling ok, I was shocked to see it was 160/108.
Then the constant ringing in my ears, headaches and slightly blurred vision all made sense. So I came home early and had a nap, tried some deep breathing and took a cardio aspirin. Don't know of much more I can do at the moment.
It is going to require a lifestyle change and it doesn't quite fit in with my budget haha. So what when how I don't know yet.
This has been my overwhelming concern and as such I need to resolve it.
Supper was pasta with cherry tomatoes, tuna and black pepper. Large glass of Oros and I sniffed a bottle of red, sigh I do miss my red wine.
I have come to accept the loneliness and it is a lot easier than it was a month or two ago. I read my first novel in a long time and it was nice to just disappear into a book again.
I get a radio for my car this weekend, a real blessing from a good friend, Mark you rock dude!
On a happier note, Monday is done and dusted and it is almost payday so a little moolah for a day.
Chow world
Sunday, June 27, 2010
27 July Sunday
So pray do tell why the simple act of buying shoes with my daughters can tire you more in 1 hour than 5 days of hard labour and a diet of dry bread and cheap red wine.
It would be so much easier if you follow the following routine;
1. Enter
2. Locate
3. Fit
4. Pay
5. Exit
Done Finished Objective Achieved.
Oh well I suppose there is a reason we are so different, I am now lying on a couch with my legs up relaxing after my ordeal. We also 'popped' into a clothing store and after I had pointed out about 10 items I could tell that my opinion as a fashion guru had descended into 'he who shall pay and provide'.
When we got home, Simon took pity on me and made me lunch and coffee, I would rather face my ex in full battle mood complete with broom and wand than do the 3 shop compare shoes deed. But, if they asked me again, would I run away screaming and crying like an England supporter, nope I would do it. That's what Dads do!
Quick choice! Scarlett Johannsen or Penelope Cruz, my opinion is Penelope is 100 times the woman Scarlett will ever be.
I had a deep hot bath and listened to Meatloaf - Bat of Hell and you know what, he sounds exactly the same underwater hehe. Was relaxing and I must admit that a soaking bath is very underrated.
So now I am channel hopping and have managed to find a couple of decent love stories that seemed to run one after the other. Couldn't have watched this a couple of weeks ago. I have had to stop avoiding the man in the mirror, sounds like a cliche but it is so true. I have to understand what makes him tick, what made him do the things he did. How he has to forgive himself and move forward. It sounds so simple.
Can love be simple, can it be uncomplicated and enjoyable or must we analise and bring guilt and opinionate it and then well then it is something so different.
Do we expect too much too little, do we settle for something because it is just easier? I want someone to talk to, someone to spend silence with and someone who will accept me as I am. Am I prepared to try again, I think I am, but there is no rush. Where do you find a venue where neither party feels threatened?
And yet I am sure there are many people who feel exactly the same.
Well good night world.
It would be so much easier if you follow the following routine;
1. Enter
2. Locate
3. Fit
4. Pay
5. Exit
Done Finished Objective Achieved.
Oh well I suppose there is a reason we are so different, I am now lying on a couch with my legs up relaxing after my ordeal. We also 'popped' into a clothing store and after I had pointed out about 10 items I could tell that my opinion as a fashion guru had descended into 'he who shall pay and provide'.
When we got home, Simon took pity on me and made me lunch and coffee, I would rather face my ex in full battle mood complete with broom and wand than do the 3 shop compare shoes deed. But, if they asked me again, would I run away screaming and crying like an England supporter, nope I would do it. That's what Dads do!
Quick choice! Scarlett Johannsen or Penelope Cruz, my opinion is Penelope is 100 times the woman Scarlett will ever be.
I had a deep hot bath and listened to Meatloaf - Bat of Hell and you know what, he sounds exactly the same underwater hehe. Was relaxing and I must admit that a soaking bath is very underrated.
So now I am channel hopping and have managed to find a couple of decent love stories that seemed to run one after the other. Couldn't have watched this a couple of weeks ago. I have had to stop avoiding the man in the mirror, sounds like a cliche but it is so true. I have to understand what makes him tick, what made him do the things he did. How he has to forgive himself and move forward. It sounds so simple.
Can love be simple, can it be uncomplicated and enjoyable or must we analise and bring guilt and opinionate it and then well then it is something so different.
Do we expect too much too little, do we settle for something because it is just easier? I want someone to talk to, someone to spend silence with and someone who will accept me as I am. Am I prepared to try again, I think I am, but there is no rush. Where do you find a venue where neither party feels threatened?
And yet I am sure there are many people who feel exactly the same.
Well good night world.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
26 June Saturday
So I went to bed at 22h00 and of course I had forgotten to bring enough sleeping meds. I figured that as I was tired enough I should be able to fall asleep, at 01h35 I got into the car, drove to the flat and collected some, by 02h30 I finally fell asleep.
Couple of hours at the office and Simon was devouring the new Stephenie Meyer novel, Nicole had her first ride on the Gautrain and made a Teddy Bear as well. Sounds like she had fun. Simon and I watched a marathon session of Vampire Diaries and then had braaied chicken and sausage and baked potatoes. Yummy!
I had a pretty good day, emotionally I felt ok and was coping, missed chatting to some friends but Simon and I had a blast.
Was really tempted to have a couple of beers while I was busy with the braai, but ended up having a large glass of Oros instead whoooohoooo.
Will decide once the new meds have stabilised what to do about beer, wine and my friend Jack.
Think a bath is called for and then some pre sleep relaxation and then sleep sweet sleep.
Till tomorrow, chow
Couple of hours at the office and Simon was devouring the new Stephenie Meyer novel, Nicole had her first ride on the Gautrain and made a Teddy Bear as well. Sounds like she had fun. Simon and I watched a marathon session of Vampire Diaries and then had braaied chicken and sausage and baked potatoes. Yummy!
I had a pretty good day, emotionally I felt ok and was coping, missed chatting to some friends but Simon and I had a blast.
Was really tempted to have a couple of beers while I was busy with the braai, but ended up having a large glass of Oros instead whoooohoooo.
Will decide once the new meds have stabilised what to do about beer, wine and my friend Jack.
Think a bath is called for and then some pre sleep relaxation and then sleep sweet sleep.
Till tomorrow, chow
Friday, June 25, 2010
25 June Friday
Paperwork paperwork and yup you guessed it, even more paperwork. By the time it was time to go home I was well and truly knackered.
Throw in a morning session with Regan and you are pretty well ready to go to sleep at 18h00.
I collected Simon and we went and got ingredients for supper including her choice of pudding, chocolate rolls. She loved her supper. Nicole is still battling with her tooth so she decided to stay with Mom.
But its Friday evening and I am ready for sleep.
So just a short one tonight, it was a good day.
Night all
Throw in a morning session with Regan and you are pretty well ready to go to sleep at 18h00.
I collected Simon and we went and got ingredients for supper including her choice of pudding, chocolate rolls. She loved her supper. Nicole is still battling with her tooth so she decided to stay with Mom.
But its Friday evening and I am ready for sleep.
So just a short one tonight, it was a good day.
Night all
Thursday, June 24, 2010
24 June Thursday
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
I had Milo cereal for breakfast and used the leftover milk to take my meds and drank it from the bowl. I was on time for work and had a good day.
I had lunch at the Anglo Canteen, flame grilled chicken, salad and mixed vegetable and a healthy serving of what I thought was cucumber salad. It turned to be green chillies, didn't see that coming haha. Good thing the Diet Coke was really cold!
I even cleaned and refiled my inbox, I am such a control freak :)
And I forgot that the cleaning lady and gardener were coming and she set off the alarm and that brought the security company round, hey I thought it was still Wednesday!
Nicoles tooth has flared up again, poor child, wish I could make it all go away.
In closing, if you can't be happy in paradise you sure as heck aren't going to be happy in hell. So Ted my old friend put a smile on the ol dial and step out and smell the sunshine. It doesn't mean it will be a bed of roses, but even roses smell wonderful when life is difficult.
Good Night
I had Milo cereal for breakfast and used the leftover milk to take my meds and drank it from the bowl. I was on time for work and had a good day.
I had lunch at the Anglo Canteen, flame grilled chicken, salad and mixed vegetable and a healthy serving of what I thought was cucumber salad. It turned to be green chillies, didn't see that coming haha. Good thing the Diet Coke was really cold!
I even cleaned and refiled my inbox, I am such a control freak :)
And I forgot that the cleaning lady and gardener were coming and she set off the alarm and that brought the security company round, hey I thought it was still Wednesday!
Nicoles tooth has flared up again, poor child, wish I could make it all go away.
In closing, if you can't be happy in paradise you sure as heck aren't going to be happy in hell. So Ted my old friend put a smile on the ol dial and step out and smell the sunshine. It doesn't mean it will be a bed of roses, but even roses smell wonderful when life is difficult.
Good Night
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
23 June Wednesday
It was a good day at work with much achieved and finally putting my laptop to rest at 23h00. It was also a good day because a good friend sat me down and gave me a good talking to, basically in a nutshell told me to stop being so hard on myself and step back and look at the bigger picture.
I had become so bogged down with financial concerns and demands that I was slowly drowning and was not even aware of it. All my energy was going into making this situation workable, controllable and in the process I was destroying my health and sanity.
Does that happen to you as well? We become so involved in a problem that it takes over and becomes this monster we feed and drag around with us. So what is the solution? I need to kill this beast, put it to rest once and for all and move forward in my life. There is no other choice and I have to move ahead because to stay where I am now will be the death of me.
So a bounce in the step is required, a good look in the mirror and honest reflections of who I am and who I would like to be. Prayer is definitely required and so is my incredible circle of friends.
Positives for today, well lovely supper, a sweet sms from Simon and a 5 minute chat that ended up taking 2 hours.
Good night
I had become so bogged down with financial concerns and demands that I was slowly drowning and was not even aware of it. All my energy was going into making this situation workable, controllable and in the process I was destroying my health and sanity.
Does that happen to you as well? We become so involved in a problem that it takes over and becomes this monster we feed and drag around with us. So what is the solution? I need to kill this beast, put it to rest once and for all and move forward in my life. There is no other choice and I have to move ahead because to stay where I am now will be the death of me.
So a bounce in the step is required, a good look in the mirror and honest reflections of who I am and who I would like to be. Prayer is definitely required and so is my incredible circle of friends.
Positives for today, well lovely supper, a sweet sms from Simon and a 5 minute chat that ended up taking 2 hours.
Good night
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Love?
Sometimes in life you see something special between two people, a look, a smile a touch, something that speaks to you and almost restores your hope in love, almost.
Does it become a duty, is it a relationship of convenience, are we simply afraid of the consequences or are we afraid of the stigma society might attach to us.
In the instant society we find ourselves trying to survive in, what happened to loyalty, honour, respect, what happened to happily ever after. What happened to promises and where did it all go wrong?
Does life strive to destroy that which we hold to be true and righteous? Or is it just all decided on the rolling of a dice. No no I hear you say it can't be, hell what do you think when conspiracy theories become the norm of your thought patterns.
Are you still with me because I feel like I have lost myself :)
So in despair, in our times of darkness when feel ourselves falling and scrambling and battling to breathe, what do we do? Some turn to God or spirituality, some to drugs, smoking or alcohol, some turn to sex and adrenaline, some just give up. What is the solution, I have tried many of the above and feel no clearer now than I did then. I have moments of extreme anger and times of desperate sorrow and loneliness, I have seen pity and pain and sadness in the eyes of good friends and have been embarrassed because I have brought this plague onto them.
I am numb inside. I have lost so much. I cry tears of blood and can't understand why this load cannot be taken from me. I am stressed and worried and unsure and rational thought is no longer an option that seems to offer any consulation.
I apologise because by sharing this I somehow feel I have let you into my private hell and I am embarrassed.
Forgive me.
Does it become a duty, is it a relationship of convenience, are we simply afraid of the consequences or are we afraid of the stigma society might attach to us.
In the instant society we find ourselves trying to survive in, what happened to loyalty, honour, respect, what happened to happily ever after. What happened to promises and where did it all go wrong?
Does life strive to destroy that which we hold to be true and righteous? Or is it just all decided on the rolling of a dice. No no I hear you say it can't be, hell what do you think when conspiracy theories become the norm of your thought patterns.
Are you still with me because I feel like I have lost myself :)
So in despair, in our times of darkness when feel ourselves falling and scrambling and battling to breathe, what do we do? Some turn to God or spirituality, some to drugs, smoking or alcohol, some turn to sex and adrenaline, some just give up. What is the solution, I have tried many of the above and feel no clearer now than I did then. I have moments of extreme anger and times of desperate sorrow and loneliness, I have seen pity and pain and sadness in the eyes of good friends and have been embarrassed because I have brought this plague onto them.
I am numb inside. I have lost so much. I cry tears of blood and can't understand why this load cannot be taken from me. I am stressed and worried and unsure and rational thought is no longer an option that seems to offer any consulation.
I apologise because by sharing this I somehow feel I have let you into my private hell and I am embarrassed.
Forgive me.
22 June Tuesday
Hello Tuesday, hello no breakfast too little time and not important enough to worry about.
Not the healthiest attitude soooo "Kids don't try this at home" hehe and wasn't really considering eating today but Colin bought me a salami roll and a Coke Light, good man
It was a good busy day but I tired by the early afternoon and then I seemed to slip deeper and deeper into a pit that welcomed me and dragged me in. So I had to get out of the office, get away from people and just get out. So I went for a long walk alone and just thought about things and life and sadness and the absence of joy.
I came home and cooked a meal of bacon, baby tomatoes, green beans, mushrooms all cooked in butter and served with tagliatelle! It was good.
Good thought for the day?
A friend and her family are having a well deserved awesome holiday and I was able to eat a home cooked pasta meal without having wine with it.
Good night world.
Not the healthiest attitude soooo "Kids don't try this at home" hehe and wasn't really considering eating today but Colin bought me a salami roll and a Coke Light, good man
It was a good busy day but I tired by the early afternoon and then I seemed to slip deeper and deeper into a pit that welcomed me and dragged me in. So I had to get out of the office, get away from people and just get out. So I went for a long walk alone and just thought about things and life and sadness and the absence of joy.
I came home and cooked a meal of bacon, baby tomatoes, green beans, mushrooms all cooked in butter and served with tagliatelle! It was good.
Good thought for the day?
A friend and her family are having a well deserved awesome holiday and I was able to eat a home cooked pasta meal without having wine with it.
Good night world.
Monday, June 21, 2010
21 June Monday
My thoughts today and for that matter yesterday seemed to keep going back to Lucy my female Boerboel, a dog who I loved and adored and gave me exactly the same in return. She seemed to be able to understand my mood and read my emotions.
She herself was an incredibly intelligent dog and loved playing with my girls and would stride and gallop around the yard with a stick or ball or one of her fluffy squeaky toys. We would laugh at her and chase her and you could almost see her laughing with us.
She would protect Simon and Nicole and would demand love when required it. She would wake me in the early hours of the morning to let her out and I would wait patiently as she did her business and came jogging back in. I would either get a snort in my face to awaken me or if I was facing away from her she would put her head under the blankets and strategically place her cold wet nose on my lower back. Yes I would wake up but how could I get angry with her, she was . . . . and always will be a friend and one I loved dearly.
Thank you my beautiful baby I will never forget you, not only did you trust me throughout your life, you trusted me as you slipped painlessly to death.
She herself was an incredibly intelligent dog and loved playing with my girls and would stride and gallop around the yard with a stick or ball or one of her fluffy squeaky toys. We would laugh at her and chase her and you could almost see her laughing with us.
She would protect Simon and Nicole and would demand love when required it. She would wake me in the early hours of the morning to let her out and I would wait patiently as she did her business and came jogging back in. I would either get a snort in my face to awaken me or if I was facing away from her she would put her head under the blankets and strategically place her cold wet nose on my lower back. Yes I would wake up but how could I get angry with her, she was . . . . and always will be a friend and one I loved dearly.
Thank you my beautiful baby I will never forget you, not only did you trust me throughout your life, you trusted me as you slipped painlessly to death.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
20 June Sunday
Fathers Day, 2 giggling girls, lunch at the table together chatting and laughing and an afternoon snooze on the couch.
Throw in a disjointed chat to my Dad and a call to my Father in Law and the day was ok. Nice to reconnect with Ant again and good to hear he is still well and was spending time with his sons, my nephews.
Dropped my girls with Heather this afternoon and then received a frantic call from Simon to say she couldn't find her phone. Got back to the house and it was lying on the kitchen counter and her soccer bracelet on the kitchen window sill, my Simon hasn't changed haha.
C is going on her first decent holiday with her kids for a long time and I am really pleased for her, hope she can unwind and just have a blast.
Spoke briefly to Stephen and he seems overworked but content so all seems good.
Got home, alone again and tried my best not to slip into a state of loneliness so curled on the couch, turned on the tv and killed 4 hours.
Now I am weary and a little sad so good night all.
Throw in a disjointed chat to my Dad and a call to my Father in Law and the day was ok. Nice to reconnect with Ant again and good to hear he is still well and was spending time with his sons, my nephews.
Dropped my girls with Heather this afternoon and then received a frantic call from Simon to say she couldn't find her phone. Got back to the house and it was lying on the kitchen counter and her soccer bracelet on the kitchen window sill, my Simon hasn't changed haha.
C is going on her first decent holiday with her kids for a long time and I am really pleased for her, hope she can unwind and just have a blast.
Spoke briefly to Stephen and he seems overworked but content so all seems good.
Got home, alone again and tried my best not to slip into a state of loneliness so curled on the couch, turned on the tv and killed 4 hours.
Now I am weary and a little sad so good night all.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
19 June Saturday
I awoke after sleeping in with my girls and Nicole made pancakes for breakfast. Now up and channel hopping and the girls are chilling. Freezing outside again so no desire to open any door or window. Nope vegetate is the way to attack this day.
So a whole day of just relaxing and sleeping and watching sport and chatting to the girls. It was a nice cold winters day and Simon made Salmon, mushrooms, cream and pasta and it was good, thanks Simon.
Evening came and the girls were watching a Disney movie and I was just lying in the lounge and started to feel a little down. It is amazing that even in the midst of loved ones and sometimes in a room full of friends you can feel so alone.
It is strange that after been with a partner for so long it takes a while to unravel oneself and find the true Ted again. It all takes time and realising that a certain stage of your life is over and a new adventure beckons, however before you are truly ready to face this journey, some training and preparation is required. This so called limbo state is that and it is sad and hard and a lonely trip.
"When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go,
'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes"
Great song and an appreciate way to say goodnight.
So a whole day of just relaxing and sleeping and watching sport and chatting to the girls. It was a nice cold winters day and Simon made Salmon, mushrooms, cream and pasta and it was good, thanks Simon.
Evening came and the girls were watching a Disney movie and I was just lying in the lounge and started to feel a little down. It is amazing that even in the midst of loved ones and sometimes in a room full of friends you can feel so alone.
It is strange that after been with a partner for so long it takes a while to unravel oneself and find the true Ted again. It all takes time and realising that a certain stage of your life is over and a new adventure beckons, however before you are truly ready to face this journey, some training and preparation is required. This so called limbo state is that and it is sad and hard and a lonely trip.
"When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go,
'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes"
Great song and an appreciate way to say goodnight.
Cold Night
Yes I realise I am late and so I am typing this while my girls are still fast asleep and I am propped up in bed.
It is cold enough to freeze 2 french kissing Eskimos together, this would be sort of photogenic opportunity that would require the use of an tripod. Why you ask? Well when you are laughing that hard, all your wobbly bits are shaking and tears don't help with the focus ability required.
We braaied last night and had soft marinaded steak, chicken sausage and baked potatoes for supper followed by Simon's Scrumptious Crumpets.
Then I watched England continue their plan to exit the World Cup really early, no continuity, pick it up or pack up and go!
It was a long hard day and I was glad to get home. Felt very tired and slightly irritable when I got home, but I was met at the car with smile and hugs from 2 beautiful angels. My girls rock!
Next week holds so much for me work-wise and will really have to try to stay completely focused. Much is expected there are many challenges that need urgent attention. The positive side is the career potential so it will trying and need to be operating at least 80% output. No pressure Amigo!
Well enough for now.
Till later
Chow
It is cold enough to freeze 2 french kissing Eskimos together, this would be sort of photogenic opportunity that would require the use of an tripod. Why you ask? Well when you are laughing that hard, all your wobbly bits are shaking and tears don't help with the focus ability required.
We braaied last night and had soft marinaded steak, chicken sausage and baked potatoes for supper followed by Simon's Scrumptious Crumpets.
Then I watched England continue their plan to exit the World Cup really early, no continuity, pick it up or pack up and go!
It was a long hard day and I was glad to get home. Felt very tired and slightly irritable when I got home, but I was met at the car with smile and hugs from 2 beautiful angels. My girls rock!
Next week holds so much for me work-wise and will really have to try to stay completely focused. Much is expected there are many challenges that need urgent attention. The positive side is the career potential so it will trying and need to be operating at least 80% output. No pressure Amigo!
Well enough for now.
Till later
Chow
Thursday, June 17, 2010
17 June Thursday
Why is it that I have such a craving for red wine and beer? Is it to do with where I am emotionally and mentally? Is it that it is way to escape this state I have to face day in and day out?
Well I have decided on a suggestion of a friend to steer clear of beer, and also decline all wine, turn my back on Jack. Ok enough rhyming, I would hate to get carried away, fear I stray and end up make all the words run to other words that sound similar. Thanks C for being a conscience and rock when I am battling to make sense of it all.
I made a mince and tomato and pasta cheese saucy dish and the girls enjoyed it. For dessert we had mint chocolate and now they are watching Disney Channel all wrapped in blankets and heaters blaring. Flapjacks were the order for pudding, but the house we are in doesn't have flour so tomorrow it shall be.
Work was okay 8 hours of computer work and it was great to get home, I still can't believe how cold it is.
Simon asked me today if I had taken my medication, when I asked why, she informed me that they were still on the counter. Busted!
Was not aware until a few days ago that Ciro made hot chocolate, it is so good. Highly recommended.
Time to get back to Disney Channel, good night one and all.
Well I have decided on a suggestion of a friend to steer clear of beer, and also decline all wine, turn my back on Jack. Ok enough rhyming, I would hate to get carried away, fear I stray and end up make all the words run to other words that sound similar. Thanks C for being a conscience and rock when I am battling to make sense of it all.
I made a mince and tomato and pasta cheese saucy dish and the girls enjoyed it. For dessert we had mint chocolate and now they are watching Disney Channel all wrapped in blankets and heaters blaring. Flapjacks were the order for pudding, but the house we are in doesn't have flour so tomorrow it shall be.
Work was okay 8 hours of computer work and it was great to get home, I still can't believe how cold it is.
Simon asked me today if I had taken my medication, when I asked why, she informed me that they were still on the counter. Busted!
Was not aware until a few days ago that Ciro made hot chocolate, it is so good. Highly recommended.
Time to get back to Disney Channel, good night one and all.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
16 June Wednesday
Well hello again and apologies for the breaks in transmission, but it was due to circumstances called life that jumped out of nowhere, grabbed me by the neck and dragged me to hell for a while. Seems however that I needed a consultation, a medical infusion and a sleepness night caused by not reading the instructions.
So a 9 hour round trip for a freezing inspection and then collecting my angels and heading out of the cold into the warmth of a north facing warm cosy flat. It was like walking into a warm blanket, no really it was like so like groovy. Supper with friends and a good chat with W about finances, budgets and sequestration, good advice good friends and honesty. Man o man there is so much still to do and so moving forward will be the only solution. I have realised that it can no longer be delayed and that a professional is required. Sometimes a friend needs to sit you down, give you a pep talk and guide your thoughts to a place where you can almost see a glimmer of something.
And then C gave me the pep talk and honesty only the way she can. Thank you!
Girls watching Disney Channel and they are content, happy, full of Simon's awesome supper and the heater is working, everyone is cosy and ready for a sprint to bed haha.
Good thoughts for the day, met at the car by my angels and had a chat with G that gave me hope for the future.
Chow all till tomorrow. Day 3 dry
So a 9 hour round trip for a freezing inspection and then collecting my angels and heading out of the cold into the warmth of a north facing warm cosy flat. It was like walking into a warm blanket, no really it was like so like groovy. Supper with friends and a good chat with W about finances, budgets and sequestration, good advice good friends and honesty. Man o man there is so much still to do and so moving forward will be the only solution. I have realised that it can no longer be delayed and that a professional is required. Sometimes a friend needs to sit you down, give you a pep talk and guide your thoughts to a place where you can almost see a glimmer of something.
And then C gave me the pep talk and honesty only the way she can. Thank you!
Girls watching Disney Channel and they are content, happy, full of Simon's awesome supper and the heater is working, everyone is cosy and ready for a sprint to bed haha.
Good thoughts for the day, met at the car by my angels and had a chat with G that gave me hope for the future.
Chow all till tomorrow. Day 3 dry
Sunday, June 13, 2010
13 June Sunday
The flat is dead quiet and girls are still fast asleep except for the neighbor who is driving nails into the wall with the determination of teenager straightening that last piece of hair before she even dares to face the world.
I have been instructed to find 2 things to be positive about on a daily basis and it apparently will assist in dragging me back to a state of happiness again. My 2 for today are, amazing friends and Joby my old dog who was spared an early death by incredible neighbors.
Spent the day chatting and eating with my girls and ML from Oz, it was an incredibly good day and so nice to see ML again.
Am now getting to watch as much of Germany vs Oz as possible, work tomorrow and a Dr's appointment that will not be all good news, so sleep is required and I pray it will come easily and quickly.
More firsts from my first year of divorce and so the pattern continues and I continue to face it daily.
Good night all.
I have been instructed to find 2 things to be positive about on a daily basis and it apparently will assist in dragging me back to a state of happiness again. My 2 for today are, amazing friends and Joby my old dog who was spared an early death by incredible neighbors.
Spent the day chatting and eating with my girls and ML from Oz, it was an incredibly good day and so nice to see ML again.
Am now getting to watch as much of Germany vs Oz as possible, work tomorrow and a Dr's appointment that will not be all good news, so sleep is required and I pray it will come easily and quickly.
More firsts from my first year of divorce and so the pattern continues and I continue to face it daily.
Good night all.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
12 June Saturday
What a good day! Springboks destroyed France, watched "This is It" the Michael Jackson story and it was good, what an entertainer! Good friends, amazing angels, cold beer and too much food.
Spent time with Simon and Nicole and had freshly made pancakes, cheeseburgers and a stroll through a pet shop filled with snakes and lizard type things. Give me a dog and as an optional extra a cat and set the other creatures free.
Saw our old dog Joby today, he didn't quite crack the nod to move with the family to the new home, still battle to understand that. He is old but content and seems happy so I am glad he gets to live a little longer, keep going old boy.
Ex wife's birthday today! Hasn't cost me much for the first time in years haha, play nice Ted.
Was chatting about photography to the R brothers last night and it was a fascinating Canon vs Nikon discussion. Would require a small miracle to lay my hands on either. Oh well we need something to work towards.
Well a day with ML tomorrow and he hasn't seen my girls for about 4 to 5 years and on the verge of heading back to Oz, has been awesome to see him so far and tomorrow will be fun.
Fun is what it is all about with my girls, we laugh, we joke we eat and we enjoy our precious time together.
So almost bedtime and a much more pleasant parting tonight.
Spent time with Simon and Nicole and had freshly made pancakes, cheeseburgers and a stroll through a pet shop filled with snakes and lizard type things. Give me a dog and as an optional extra a cat and set the other creatures free.
Saw our old dog Joby today, he didn't quite crack the nod to move with the family to the new home, still battle to understand that. He is old but content and seems happy so I am glad he gets to live a little longer, keep going old boy.
Ex wife's birthday today! Hasn't cost me much for the first time in years haha, play nice Ted.
Was chatting about photography to the R brothers last night and it was a fascinating Canon vs Nikon discussion. Would require a small miracle to lay my hands on either. Oh well we need something to work towards.
Well a day with ML tomorrow and he hasn't seen my girls for about 4 to 5 years and on the verge of heading back to Oz, has been awesome to see him so far and tomorrow will be fun.
Fun is what it is all about with my girls, we laugh, we joke we eat and we enjoy our precious time together.
So almost bedtime and a much more pleasant parting tonight.
Friday, June 11, 2010
11 June Friday
So I took a beating from R today, tough counseling session and took a lot of flack for missing a doctors appointment, hey C you tell it as it is and I admire you for that. Yes it hurts and sometimes the truth is not nice to face but it is what reminds me that this is still a long path.
I have my girls and a lovely afternoon with good friends and Bafana Bafana and a good meal with laughs, beer, wine and good coffee. Throw in a card game and music and you have the near perfect evening.
I know it is going to be hard and I know that I need to see the Doc soon to sort out the meds, chemical readjustment, mood equaliser, happy place to heal and grow again and so we need to get back to basics.
So cuddling with an angel and all is good tonight.
Good night all.
I have my girls and a lovely afternoon with good friends and Bafana Bafana and a good meal with laughs, beer, wine and good coffee. Throw in a card game and music and you have the near perfect evening.
I know it is going to be hard and I know that I need to see the Doc soon to sort out the meds, chemical readjustment, mood equaliser, happy place to heal and grow again and so we need to get back to basics.
So cuddling with an angel and all is good tonight.
Good night all.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
10 June Thursday
I was told that pain reminds us we are still alive
If that is what it takes I suppose I have no choice but to continue, long day, hard day. The whole country is in a party mood and getting ready to celebrate the biggest tournament ever on African soil and I want to run away and hide.
So I keep trying to pull myself out of this and then seem to slide even lower back into it. Its tiring and soul destroying!
It all takes time I am told and I wonder does it get better or do we just develop a higher pain threshold?
Positive thought for the day? Had a cheeseburger!
Good Night
If that is what it takes I suppose I have no choice but to continue, long day, hard day. The whole country is in a party mood and getting ready to celebrate the biggest tournament ever on African soil and I want to run away and hide.
So I keep trying to pull myself out of this and then seem to slide even lower back into it. Its tiring and soul destroying!
It all takes time I am told and I wonder does it get better or do we just develop a higher pain threshold?
Positive thought for the day? Had a cheeseburger!
Good Night
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
09 June Wednesday
Happy Birthday M, hope you have an awesome groovy year ahead you deserve it!
Man o man am I tired of hitting low patches and scraping myself off the emotional floor and trying to make it to the end of a day. I saw Simon and she looked awesome and we chatted all the way back to Mom's home, mwah precious. So it ended on a high, now I am alone at the flat and doing da blog thang before I go soak my exhausted assets in a bath, why? Cos I'm worth it!
Didn't feel great today and and need to change my diet and start exercising SOON, I can feel the stresses of life are getting to me and I am exhausted and irritable and feeling sorry for myself, plus I think the excess caffeine is sprinting through my veins like a street dog after a bouncing sausage.
So plan of action is as follows;
1. Bath
2. Coffee (only kidding)
3. Read the newspaper
4. Speak to a friend
5. Message a friend
6. Exercise (SERIOUSLY only kidding)
7. Try to sleep
And so it came to be that Ted was weary and he sighed the sigh of a sigher sighing deeply and slowly and raised his eyes slowly agonizingly like a Celine Dion song and stretched out his hand and followed it to his pool of warm energy and into it he did sink and rested he did.
Happy thoughts!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
08 June Tuesday
Hello world I am back, not a whoop but the grimace of a smile.
Days are hard at the moment but life goes on. Saw Nicole's teacher and had a good chat to her and her counsellor as well, will chat to her the weekend and see how it all plays itself out.
Had supper with steamageflyer and it was fun and good and reassuring, seems that time spent with friends is so important when we appear to have the world on our shoulders. Sometimes we just need a a smile and a sympathetic ear or the voice of reason with a "Flippen Hell Ted" and backup advice that I am unable to argue against. You guys rock.
So I have a dream, a dream to travel 5000km on a Vespa throughout Southern Africa with no set agenda and no pressure of time weighing me down. The ability to stop and smell the daisies, the time to chat to a child next a road, have a cold beer with a local and really just contemplate what is this all about and where am I going. I want to be the person that cares, unfortunately I am in no position to be that man till I can deal with my inner demons, face myself and trust that this bigger than me and something I cannot resolve and face on my own. But at last a dream for the future, this is the first time the future has featured for a long time.
ML resolved a case that has been dragging on for many years and even though it was not what he hoped for, I believe it will help him to finally put this behind him and move on, well done dude really chuffed for you.
I wonder often why my life has taken this route and what I could have done to avoid it or alter it, and then I am reminded by friends that it is not about the past, true I cannot alter it and if I am able to learn from it, it will do me good in my future and that is where the healing lies. It is a daily get me up and moving scenario and some days I have to crawl to the end of the day.
Spoke to my sister M tonight and it was good to hear her voice, S is going to Turkey for a couple of days so I will be spending some time with her, will be fun.
Now my bed calls and I must be a gentleman and heed the call, goodnight till tomorrow.
Days are hard at the moment but life goes on. Saw Nicole's teacher and had a good chat to her and her counsellor as well, will chat to her the weekend and see how it all plays itself out.
Had supper with steamageflyer and it was fun and good and reassuring, seems that time spent with friends is so important when we appear to have the world on our shoulders. Sometimes we just need a a smile and a sympathetic ear or the voice of reason with a "Flippen Hell Ted" and backup advice that I am unable to argue against. You guys rock.
So I have a dream, a dream to travel 5000km on a Vespa throughout Southern Africa with no set agenda and no pressure of time weighing me down. The ability to stop and smell the daisies, the time to chat to a child next a road, have a cold beer with a local and really just contemplate what is this all about and where am I going. I want to be the person that cares, unfortunately I am in no position to be that man till I can deal with my inner demons, face myself and trust that this bigger than me and something I cannot resolve and face on my own. But at last a dream for the future, this is the first time the future has featured for a long time.
ML resolved a case that has been dragging on for many years and even though it was not what he hoped for, I believe it will help him to finally put this behind him and move on, well done dude really chuffed for you.
I wonder often why my life has taken this route and what I could have done to avoid it or alter it, and then I am reminded by friends that it is not about the past, true I cannot alter it and if I am able to learn from it, it will do me good in my future and that is where the healing lies. It is a daily get me up and moving scenario and some days I have to crawl to the end of the day.
Spoke to my sister M tonight and it was good to hear her voice, S is going to Turkey for a couple of days so I will be spending some time with her, will be fun.
Now my bed calls and I must be a gentleman and heed the call, goodnight till tomorrow.
Monday, June 7, 2010
07 June Monday
I awoke and seemed to rush everything including ironing my clothes for work this morning.
Drove to work and kept wondering what the heck I have done with my sunglasses as I have "misplaced" them and with all the time spent on the road, I could really use them at the moment.
Tomorrow night is Nicole's teacher/parent evening and it seems that this will be the first one that Heather and I will attend separately, most probably for the best and less tension all round.
Today was ok, but I found that it was hard to concentrate and i feel irritable the whole day, my apologies to my work colleagues. They see me in my best and worst and sometimes I wonder if they think I am losing it or have lost it all already.
I see my girls this weekend and cannot wait. It is going to be so much fun and to be able to hug and hold them is a blessing that cannot be described in words alone. They make me smile when I do not have the energy to face the world.
This is not working tonight, I am tired and irritable and depressed. Good night.
Drove to work and kept wondering what the heck I have done with my sunglasses as I have "misplaced" them and with all the time spent on the road, I could really use them at the moment.
Tomorrow night is Nicole's teacher/parent evening and it seems that this will be the first one that Heather and I will attend separately, most probably for the best and less tension all round.
Today was ok, but I found that it was hard to concentrate and i feel irritable the whole day, my apologies to my work colleagues. They see me in my best and worst and sometimes I wonder if they think I am losing it or have lost it all already.
I see my girls this weekend and cannot wait. It is going to be so much fun and to be able to hug and hold them is a blessing that cannot be described in words alone. They make me smile when I do not have the energy to face the world.
This is not working tonight, I am tired and irritable and depressed. Good night.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
06 June Sunday
Well it starts with not wanting to get out of bed, feeling wave after wave of depression washing over me and eventually moving from one side of the bed to another to see at which point my legs and head all fitted on mattress. Yup another rocket scientist start to the day.
Then a quick clean of the kitchen, a mug of Colombian coffee in a travel mug and off to collect a good friend I haven't seen for about 4 years. Mike has not changed and it was like rewinding a clock and laughing and chatting as if we had only been apart for a day, that is what friendship is all about.
We braaied rib eye steaks and pork sausages with baked potatoes, fresh rolls and a salad and more than a few beers. We chatted about good times, hard times, funny times and the future, relationships, friends and people that irritated the daylights out of us. It was amazing!
It lifted me and made me take the focus off negative Sunday thoughts and instead focus on life, yes that thing we sometimes turn into a routine and squeeze all the joy out of and over complicate. The world will wear you down and eventually attempt to drag you down to its standard and when we get tired eventually we just give in and in doing lose what makes us unique in the first place. Don't give up! I did and it was a hard road to recovery and one I battled to stay on. How many times have you said "I am just so tired"? Take a breath and keep going especially the times when you feel like just lying in bed in the morning and can't find the motivation to inhale let alone get up and go to work.
Why do things like divorce happen, why does one person fall out of love with another and why does it all take so long to resolve itself? Why? Why? Why?
I don't have the answers and I don't understand it, but I have the common sense to realise that I have to move on and that all of this takes time. It makes no difference if I try and rush it or speed up the process, it doesn't help when I try and keep control of it all.
I cry more than I ever have before and have spoken more openly about love, sadness, heartache, religion and the future than ever before. I have had to deal with emotions I never even thought about before.
I am tired and crying and sad so goodnight all
Then a quick clean of the kitchen, a mug of Colombian coffee in a travel mug and off to collect a good friend I haven't seen for about 4 years. Mike has not changed and it was like rewinding a clock and laughing and chatting as if we had only been apart for a day, that is what friendship is all about.
We braaied rib eye steaks and pork sausages with baked potatoes, fresh rolls and a salad and more than a few beers. We chatted about good times, hard times, funny times and the future, relationships, friends and people that irritated the daylights out of us. It was amazing!
It lifted me and made me take the focus off negative Sunday thoughts and instead focus on life, yes that thing we sometimes turn into a routine and squeeze all the joy out of and over complicate. The world will wear you down and eventually attempt to drag you down to its standard and when we get tired eventually we just give in and in doing lose what makes us unique in the first place. Don't give up! I did and it was a hard road to recovery and one I battled to stay on. How many times have you said "I am just so tired"? Take a breath and keep going especially the times when you feel like just lying in bed in the morning and can't find the motivation to inhale let alone get up and go to work.
Why do things like divorce happen, why does one person fall out of love with another and why does it all take so long to resolve itself? Why? Why? Why?
I don't have the answers and I don't understand it, but I have the common sense to realise that I have to move on and that all of this takes time. It makes no difference if I try and rush it or speed up the process, it doesn't help when I try and keep control of it all.
I cry more than I ever have before and have spoken more openly about love, sadness, heartache, religion and the future than ever before. I have had to deal with emotions I never even thought about before.
I am tired and crying and sad so goodnight all
Saturday, June 5, 2010
05 June Saturday
Pain never really seems to go away, it just seems to hide and then re-emerges when you least expect it or when you are not ready to deal with it
Sometimes I wish I was more like a machine that a human, then I can just remove things that don't work, just switch off certain components and plod on
Even though I have a beautiful flat, have a large pot of soup simmering on the stove and friends who do care, I am really lonely again today. It is almost as if my joy has been drained from me and left this empty shell behind that is hollow, cold and empty.
As time sails on be it in times of sunshine or storms of the harshest darkest kind, we find that old love that is no more tends to fade and slowly die. I have 2 choices, the first is to fight it and hang onto it with every ounce of my being or alternatively realise it is over and let is pass away. It doesn't make the pain any easier, however it does enable us to find closure and move ahead.
Was Nicole's School Sports day and she was waiting at the school gate for me and gave me a big hug, strolled around with her and her 2 friends and saw friends and puppies and dogs and lots of hockey, soccer and netball. There is definitely reassuring about a school sports day, it has a lovely feeling about it and lots of laughing and smiling people. Was glad Deon did not make it, would have a little awkward.
SA vs Wales Rugby Union today so all in all ale will flow ,and joy will accepted and shared by all concerned!
Just made a toasted cheese in the frying pan with extra butter, strong cheddar cheese and white bread, fried till crisp on both sides, yup a bit of heaven mmmmmmm. Was so hot it burnt my tongue while I was eating but man o man was that good or what!
Got invited to Sarah's 7th birthday party, soccer theme and it was awesome and the snacks were AMAZING! Had a homemade Apple pie with almonds on top with cream and it was better than kissing a mermaid!
Home Bed and await the arrival of a new day.
Sometimes I wish I was more like a machine that a human, then I can just remove things that don't work, just switch off certain components and plod on
Even though I have a beautiful flat, have a large pot of soup simmering on the stove and friends who do care, I am really lonely again today. It is almost as if my joy has been drained from me and left this empty shell behind that is hollow, cold and empty.
As time sails on be it in times of sunshine or storms of the harshest darkest kind, we find that old love that is no more tends to fade and slowly die. I have 2 choices, the first is to fight it and hang onto it with every ounce of my being or alternatively realise it is over and let is pass away. It doesn't make the pain any easier, however it does enable us to find closure and move ahead.
Was Nicole's School Sports day and she was waiting at the school gate for me and gave me a big hug, strolled around with her and her 2 friends and saw friends and puppies and dogs and lots of hockey, soccer and netball. There is definitely reassuring about a school sports day, it has a lovely feeling about it and lots of laughing and smiling people. Was glad Deon did not make it, would have a little awkward.
SA vs Wales Rugby Union today so all in all ale will flow ,and joy will accepted and shared by all concerned!
Just made a toasted cheese in the frying pan with extra butter, strong cheddar cheese and white bread, fried till crisp on both sides, yup a bit of heaven mmmmmmm. Was so hot it burnt my tongue while I was eating but man o man was that good or what!
Got invited to Sarah's 7th birthday party, soccer theme and it was awesome and the snacks were AMAZING! Had a homemade Apple pie with almonds on top with cream and it was better than kissing a mermaid!
Home Bed and await the arrival of a new day.
Friday, June 4, 2010
04 June Friday
Work, work and the nope not more work but assisting a friend in fitting the mat to a trampoline. Hey W we could have finished earlier if we read the instruction properly lol>
But it was fun followed by beer, braai and a couple of glasses of Graham Becks finest Red, good music including Dire Straits, Dylan, Springsteen, Fleetwood Mac and even a little Buble thrown in for good measure, W & C you guys rock and your girls are the best.
Well the weekend has arrived like a sneeze in Spring and I am so ready for it, Nicole's sports day tomorrow followed by S 7th birthday party complete with SA vs Wales Rugby and chicken prego rolls and somewhere along the line a visit to the house and some homemade Minestrone and Beef Soup. A bit of a full day and some stage I need to vacuum the flat and do some arbitrary domestic cleansing.
I fear complacency and the fact that life might blast past me and leave me in its wake like a deer in the headlights, it is too precious to be spent only mourning and wandering what if and then awakening 3 years about us and later and find that it was all wasted anyway. It doesn't mean we have to smile and do the dance of joy 24/7 but does mean we can see the beauty and glory in all and enjoy a sunset instead of awaiting the fall of darkness.
Ok night all I am out of here too tired for tonight.
But it was fun followed by beer, braai and a couple of glasses of Graham Becks finest Red, good music including Dire Straits, Dylan, Springsteen, Fleetwood Mac and even a little Buble thrown in for good measure, W & C you guys rock and your girls are the best.
Well the weekend has arrived like a sneeze in Spring and I am so ready for it, Nicole's sports day tomorrow followed by S 7th birthday party complete with SA vs Wales Rugby and chicken prego rolls and somewhere along the line a visit to the house and some homemade Minestrone and Beef Soup. A bit of a full day and some stage I need to vacuum the flat and do some arbitrary domestic cleansing.
I fear complacency and the fact that life might blast past me and leave me in its wake like a deer in the headlights, it is too precious to be spent only mourning and wandering what if and then awakening 3 years about us and later and find that it was all wasted anyway. It doesn't mean we have to smile and do the dance of joy 24/7 but does mean we can see the beauty and glory in all and enjoy a sunset instead of awaiting the fall of darkness.
Ok night all I am out of here too tired for tonight.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
03 June Thursday
Counselling with R and it was ok, all this honesty with emotions is extremely tiring, I seem to remember the days of boxing it all up as being a lot easier to deal with short term. It seems that the long term damage creeps out of the boardwalk like forgotten relatives after a lottery winning. So now we talk about it and do homework and face them all like they are embarrassed teenagers on their first date, a case of "howzit" and "wanna dance" or "what's your friends name" lol.
When it finally dawns on you that you no longer love someone, it does make it easier to deal with a whole emotional side of the "relationship" and finally move on to the next phase of your life. While there were feelings, guilt could so easily be thrown into the equation and somehow sway a 50/50 call where now it can be dealt with rationally and evaluated and a more honest approach can be adopted. Strange how we need to knock our heads repeatedly in some cases before we finally realise that it is time to move on.
Well it has come down to the fact that I have to sell the damn house, yes a little anger is involved in a situation that has snowballed and now looms in the background drawing ever closer. If the Auctioneers don't step in soon and make this a reality I shall have to use plan "B", only snag is that plan "B" has not done me the courtesy of revealing itself to me. So in the bank we trust and as we are all well aware this never usually ends well.
Have every intention of making a beefy red wine minestrone soup tomorrow night and have all the ingredients at my disposal, so tomorrow night or bright and breezy Saturday morning the pressure cooker will be whistling away. Home will be saturated with the aroma of all the combinations of flavours as they thicken and merge and become a winters meal worth killing for. Hope that wont be required ha ha.
I have a Germany flag flying on the window of my car in preparation for the FIFA World Cup and cant wait for the first game between South Africa and Mexico to kick off. My prediction SA 1 -3 Mexico.
And now time for a mug of hot chocolate and then bedtime.
Till tomorrow.
When it finally dawns on you that you no longer love someone, it does make it easier to deal with a whole emotional side of the "relationship" and finally move on to the next phase of your life. While there were feelings, guilt could so easily be thrown into the equation and somehow sway a 50/50 call where now it can be dealt with rationally and evaluated and a more honest approach can be adopted. Strange how we need to knock our heads repeatedly in some cases before we finally realise that it is time to move on.
Well it has come down to the fact that I have to sell the damn house, yes a little anger is involved in a situation that has snowballed and now looms in the background drawing ever closer. If the Auctioneers don't step in soon and make this a reality I shall have to use plan "B", only snag is that plan "B" has not done me the courtesy of revealing itself to me. So in the bank we trust and as we are all well aware this never usually ends well.
Have every intention of making a beefy red wine minestrone soup tomorrow night and have all the ingredients at my disposal, so tomorrow night or bright and breezy Saturday morning the pressure cooker will be whistling away. Home will be saturated with the aroma of all the combinations of flavours as they thicken and merge and become a winters meal worth killing for. Hope that wont be required ha ha.
I have a Germany flag flying on the window of my car in preparation for the FIFA World Cup and cant wait for the first game between South Africa and Mexico to kick off. My prediction SA 1 -3 Mexico.
And now time for a mug of hot chocolate and then bedtime.
Till tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
02 June Wednesday
What an evening, supper with my girls, lots of laughing tons of memories and stomachs that are bursting or very close to it.
Nicole seems to have loved her birthday and Simon was having fun anyway, Simon got Nicole a cool bag thingamabob for her cellphone and she loved it nudge nudge hey Simon.
Mom wanted a cheeseburger and apparently Deon was at Warhammer, used to play but that is a tale for another evening. Deon is Heathers boyfriend and we used to be friends about a lifetime ago, strange how life can turn itself inside out and upside down and yet surprise surprise, it still continues.
We had supper at Spur tonight and my girls looked amazing, like models taking the old man out for dinner, Simon had her standard, chicken burger and chips and onion rings onto Dad's plate and Nicole had the small portion of calamari and chips and I had the extra crispy Eisbein. Then off to Mickey Dee's for Oreo McFlurry's for the girls (separate pudding stomachs of course)
Had a bath after supper, washed some underwear whoohoo and mopped the bathroom floor. Seems far too much for a Wednesday evening but hey at least it is done. Girls are joining me for Arni and Denise's wedding so that will be an absolute blast and we will surely boogie the night away, will also be nice to introduce my girls to some of my work colleagues.
Not really in the mood to blog tonight, tired and miss my dog terribly. It's almost as easy as dental flossing a terribly hungry crocodiles teeth.
Counseling tomorrow with Regan, oh boy!
Sleep tight world.
Nicole seems to have loved her birthday and Simon was having fun anyway, Simon got Nicole a cool bag thingamabob for her cellphone and she loved it nudge nudge hey Simon.
Mom wanted a cheeseburger and apparently Deon was at Warhammer, used to play but that is a tale for another evening. Deon is Heathers boyfriend and we used to be friends about a lifetime ago, strange how life can turn itself inside out and upside down and yet surprise surprise, it still continues.
We had supper at Spur tonight and my girls looked amazing, like models taking the old man out for dinner, Simon had her standard, chicken burger and chips and onion rings onto Dad's plate and Nicole had the small portion of calamari and chips and I had the extra crispy Eisbein. Then off to Mickey Dee's for Oreo McFlurry's for the girls (separate pudding stomachs of course)
Had a bath after supper, washed some underwear whoohoo and mopped the bathroom floor. Seems far too much for a Wednesday evening but hey at least it is done. Girls are joining me for Arni and Denise's wedding so that will be an absolute blast and we will surely boogie the night away, will also be nice to introduce my girls to some of my work colleagues.
Not really in the mood to blog tonight, tired and miss my dog terribly. It's almost as easy as dental flossing a terribly hungry crocodiles teeth.
Counseling tomorrow with Regan, oh boy!
Sleep tight world.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
1 June Tuesday
Tomorrow my baby turns 12, wow what a lovely journey we have had together.
She has been a blessing and has had such a fighting spirit since she was born and analysed many months later with the hole in her heart, she never stopped smiling and fighting even when all the odds were stacked against her. I love you my precious Nicole.
You wear your emotions on your sleeve and continue to challenge boundaries and rules and are not afraid to ask why and will not settle for answers that do not make sense. Sometimes you even question logic and defiantly refuse to accept the norms that society insists on. Good for you.
I saw a quote today from a FB status of a friend that said, "Dream as if you have forever. But live as if you only have today" by James Dean.
Wow, what a quote and what a attitude to have. After the heartache of walking through my old home where so many years were spent as a family unit, so many memories, so many laughs joy and tears, I realised that this was all gone and though I mourn it and have to deal with the tragedy of divorce I am in a better place spiritually now than I have ever been.
Even though I mourn the loss of a 22 year relationship and daily contact with my girls, I am seeing the positive side to this madness we call divorce. My times with my girls are so eventful and fun that we spend more time laughing and experiencing life and less involved in the pettiness that causes only frustration and negative emotions. It is better to be alone than to be with one who loves another.
To W & C for an awesome meal where the girls could not stop asking for thirds and fourths and a lovely bottle of red as we discussed family and frustrations and trampoline assembly, these are the moments that make memories. Never turn down the opportunity to have a glass of red wine with friends, it reassures the soul and makes us realise that it is not all about us.
And today my Italian sedan returned from the workshop after 8 or 9 weeks with working brakes and a friendly hum in the engine, it felt so good to accelerate and smile and stop when intended, brakes are not a luxury but a necessity it seems.
So all in all a good day and a deep bath ended another Tuesday and moved me towards tomorrow, who knows what you have hidden lurking ready to surprise me.
Goodnight
She has been a blessing and has had such a fighting spirit since she was born and analysed many months later with the hole in her heart, she never stopped smiling and fighting even when all the odds were stacked against her. I love you my precious Nicole.
You wear your emotions on your sleeve and continue to challenge boundaries and rules and are not afraid to ask why and will not settle for answers that do not make sense. Sometimes you even question logic and defiantly refuse to accept the norms that society insists on. Good for you.
I saw a quote today from a FB status of a friend that said, "Dream as if you have forever. But live as if you only have today" by James Dean.
Wow, what a quote and what a attitude to have. After the heartache of walking through my old home where so many years were spent as a family unit, so many memories, so many laughs joy and tears, I realised that this was all gone and though I mourn it and have to deal with the tragedy of divorce I am in a better place spiritually now than I have ever been.
Even though I mourn the loss of a 22 year relationship and daily contact with my girls, I am seeing the positive side to this madness we call divorce. My times with my girls are so eventful and fun that we spend more time laughing and experiencing life and less involved in the pettiness that causes only frustration and negative emotions. It is better to be alone than to be with one who loves another.
To W & C for an awesome meal where the girls could not stop asking for thirds and fourths and a lovely bottle of red as we discussed family and frustrations and trampoline assembly, these are the moments that make memories. Never turn down the opportunity to have a glass of red wine with friends, it reassures the soul and makes us realise that it is not all about us.
And today my Italian sedan returned from the workshop after 8 or 9 weeks with working brakes and a friendly hum in the engine, it felt so good to accelerate and smile and stop when intended, brakes are not a luxury but a necessity it seems.
So all in all a good day and a deep bath ended another Tuesday and moved me towards tomorrow, who knows what you have hidden lurking ready to surprise me.
Goodnight
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